Private Log Entry, 31.12.111

I had been wandering idly around my hangar when I heard a call from Heyna about a radar signature in Goinard. Ended up bringing out the Rose again to help handle the guards in the complex once she had pinpointed it, then once that was done I headed back to the station to grab the Misuzu to assist in salvage operations and cleanup.

As we were finishing up, Heyna and I saw a Thrasher on scan, somewhere in the system. I switched to the Katana, and we narrowed it down to an asteroid belt near the second planet, and engaged. A Hawk and a Thorax are a little more than a match for a destroyer, and so it went down quickly. An Exequror was also in system, and warped to the belt at range as we were finishing up -- Heyna grabbed what she could out of the remains of the Thrasher, then we decided to attempt to catch the Exequror. We eventually caught it at the fourth planet and engaged.

Unfortunately, we saw spike in local transponders too late, and what we had commented just might be bait... turned out to be exactly that. Heyna's Hawk was unable to escape when the fleet landed and tackled her despite the call to disengage and retreat just as they started landing; when the Pilchard went down, I became the next target... but for some reason, I managed to get out just as the Katana's hull integrity was reaching about three percent. I don't know exactly what happened; my best guess is that everyone who had jammed the Katana's warp drive had disengaged their disruptors (and they were using disruptors instead of scramblers, as I know I managed to burn out of range of one of the larger ships with the Katana's microwarpdrive) in an attempt to catch my pod, but miscalculated in their timing, allowing me to escape, just narrowly.

I feel silly, having forgotten that what smells like a trap, almost always is a trap... it cost Heyna an expensive ship, and a number of crew on the Katana -- about seventy in total -- whose families need to be notified and compensated, and... well, replaced, I suppose is the only proper word. Thankfully I have Suzie to help with that, but... really, if there's a part of being a capsuleer I genuinely hate it is that: having to deal with the loss of my crew, even just one of them.

Later that evening while the Katana was in for repairs, I heard a call from Deckhard and Leo about a Rupture in a belt, so I wired into the Ananta and headed over. I managed to arrive just as the Rupture exploded, and would have simply left to allow Deckhard and Leo to handle the rest, but Leo's Curse suddenly performed an emergency warp, so I helped Deckhard by keeping a point on the Rupture pilot's pod while he continued the ransom negotiations.

A neutral Vagabond pilot entered the system and landed some distance away from us in the belt scant minutes later. Deckhard and I both panicked; he cut comms with the Rupture pilot and destroyed his pod, and I slipped out to sit at Hekhalot. Deckhard, unfortunately, was unable to escape as I had, and was under attack. I turned around and headed back to the belt to assist; I arrived seconds too late as Deckhard's Ishkur fell apart around him and the Vagabond pilot turned to me. I managed to keep distance from the pilot, sending drones after him, but even with a full flight of drones, I couldn't do much to break his shields until Inara showed up in her Curse.

At that point I was able to move in close and apply brute force with the Ananta's blasters; with Inara sapping the Vagabond's capacitor dry and disrupting the tracking on his autocannons, his shields soon collapsed and his armor and hull soon after. We quickly salvaged what we could from the area before any more trouble arrived. Hopefully what we recovered will help pay for his ship; it would be a shame otherwise.

Progress on the Kagami is proceeding as scheduled, so that should be something nice to look forward to this week... frankly, this has been a rather poor month to end the year with. I can only hope the new year is better.

God, I miss her so much...

Private Log Entry, 10.12.111 - Interesting Profits

Well, the last several days have certainly been... "interesting."

A few days ago, Kirsa -- the newest pilot to join the Family -- reported having found a Sansha supply depot in Amod. Where I used to base out of while working with the Accord. I used to enjoy flying around the area, and given Reppy's current condition, I thought perhaps it would be worth poking my head in to see if there was anything there that could help her.

It took us several hours, but we eventually managed to bash our way through the outer defenses and make our way all the way into the deadspace complex. There were a number of us there -- Caellach and Leopold in battlecruisers (a Prophecy and a Harbinger respectively), Kirsa in an Arbitrator, Jude and Whit in bombers (Hound and Nemesis, I believe), and I flew the Thorny Rose and handled smaller targets while Heyna acted as a decoy in her Hawk.

In the end, we managed to track down the complex's overseer, a captain by the name of Skomener Effotber, and reduced his Nightmare-class battleship to a smouldering wreck. When we moved to inspect the wreckage and see what we could salvage, we were most surprised to find a specially-modified energized membrane that is worth almost (or over) five hundred million ISK on the contract market. On top of that, I managed to find some things that I hope may be useful to the people working on finding a cure for Reppy's illness; those particular recovered materials have been sent to the proper place.

Yesterday afternoon, Kirsa reported another deadspace complex ripe for the picking down in Gasavak -- this time, one belonging to the Crimson Hand, a group of Blood Raider sympathizers. We couldn't manage to rouse Heyna again, so I got landed with decoy duty in the Thorny Rose while Kirsa, Leo and Milo handled the rest. It took us a while in the last pocket; while I managed to generally keep a good hold of the eyes of most of the Blooders' sentry gunners and the captains of the modified Apocalypse battleships, Milo had a couple close calls with a capacitor-neutralizing attack (as did I, once or twice), and Leo and Kirsa managed to draw the attention of a few of the battleships as well. In the end, the captain in charge of the complex (whose name we were unable to ascertain; his ship only identified himself as a "Crimson Lord") fell to our combined firepower, and like a little pack of vultures, we moved in to see what our prize would be.

I almost rammed my ship into Kirsa's in surprise when Milo let out an excited shout over comms -- his salvage teams had not only managed to recover another modified set of energized plating, but a completely intact blueprint to build an Ashimmu -- the same type of ship I had constructed for Lilly, the one she named Anta. These blueprints run for about two hundred and fifty million on the contract market, and it's rumored that their design has been heavily upgraded within the last couple of weeks.

With Milo scouting, I brought the blueprint and the membrane safely back to Goinard; later in the evening, Naoko picked them up and brought them to Jita to put them up on the market.

And today... well, I've spent a few hours each night throwing probes out in random directions in Goinard and seeing what I could find. I've found and cleared out a few Serpentis sites, but there was this one gravimetric signature that I simply could not pinpoint, no matter how many probes I threw up around it! So, this morning I asked Jude if he could take a stab at it, and with a grin and a nod, he was in the undocking queue before I knew it, and had already pinpointed it for us.

It turned out to have sizeable deposits of Spodumain and Crokite, both very valuable (and rare) ores for this part of the cluster. What happened next, I will never forget:

We had a mining operation in Goinard.

A bunch of flashy outlaw pilots... mining.

And that's not even the best part -- it wasn't just PRELI pilots who were participating as industrial pilots -- we had PRETA pilots helping out too! Jude put a rack of mining lasers on his Maelstrom, Heyna grabbed a Badger, and Anima Arkenath even showed up in a Procurer! (Where she managed to pull that out of, I have no idea, but I suspect Marcus was involved somehow.)

Milo and I were put on site in "freakons" -- him in his Arazu, me in the Innocence -- just in case some passersby thought that the couple of mining barges we had with us would make for an easy evening snack. We didn't have much in the way of trouble until the local troublemakers -- a bunch of obnoxious little bastards who go call themselves "Zawa's Fan Club" -- decided to poke their noses out of the station that we unfortunately share.

Despite all that, we ended up not having to deal with them at all. I think Vaden -- or "Gramps," as we jokingly call him -- undocking his carrier on them might have given them second thoughts about coming to give us any trouble... this time.

We eventually wrapped things up when people started getting tired and needing to go catch some sleep; I stuck around in the Innocence after I docked, then after a little while I got a call for help from Milo over comms. He asked for a Drake when I responded, and that's exactly what he got -- I managed to land on-site in Raeghoscon just in time to rip the hull plating out from under the pod of Milo's attacker with a well-timed volley of heavy missiles.

We attempted to catch a few more unwary pilots, but in the end couldn't find anything, so we just docked up and called it a night; he went to the Skyhook afterward, I believe, but I had some work to do, and a rather desperate desire to take a long bath, so I had to skip.

There's been some progress with Lilly, thankfully; I went to see her last night after we returned from Gasavak, and after a bit of talking, I managed to get her to try out the holographic piano interface that I had dropped off a week or two ago. Much to our surprise... even though she didn't know what she was doing, she still seemed to just... know what to do with it. Perhaps the memory loss isn't total, as I'd hoped -- that she might still have some memories of things, even if they weren't people or places or events, but perhaps something more physical, like playing the piano.

It was wonderful hearing her play again, but... to me, the most important part was that it brought a smile to her face.

And that's why I've been in such a great mood lately, I think. Not just the very successful several days that the Family has had, but that I've also seen Lilly smiling.

I'm glad that some things still make me just as happy as they used to.

Medical Report: Lagann, Morwen: 1.12.111

Patient: Lagann, Morwen (GF462207810)

Date: December 1, 111YC

Facility: Teppoyuri

Location:

Naraka private hangars belonging to Morwen Lagann

,

Goinard IV - Moon 2 - CONCORD Bureau

TIMELINE

02:45 - Patient arrived at medical facilities on the Teppoyuri.
02:54 - Patient admitted and sent to CF1.
03:00 - Clone grade Xi, ID# GF462207810-1111201 activated.
03:15 - Patient begins clone-jump procedure.
03:17 - Clone-jump procedure completed. Previous clone body taken to secure storage.
03:20 - Patient admitted into OR5.
03:25 - Initial dose of hypnotics administered to patient.
03:30 - Visitors for patient admitted into OR5. Both visitors listed on access lists for Uraha and Misuzu, but not Teppoyuri. Patient allowed override of default access rights for both visitors for the day as well as their presence in the OR.
04:30 - Visitors depart.
04:45 - Second dose of hypnotics administered to patient.
06:15 - Final pre-operation dose of hypnotics administered.
06:20 - Anaesthetics administered.
06:30 - Surgery begins.
07:25 - Final implant diagnostics completed.
07:30 - Implant installation begins.
08:10 - Capsule interface implants installed.
08:20 - Communications implant installed.
09:45 - Additional capsuleer augmentation implants installed.
10:15 - Surgery completed.
11:00 - Patient moved to RU, low doses of hypnotics administered.
13:30 - Patient regains consciousness.
19:00 - Patient officially discharged from medical facilities. Patient elected to remain in RU overnight.

SUMMARY OF PROCEDURES

Procedure: Clone Activation

Status: Completed

Desc.: Grade Xi, GF462207810-1111201

Procedure: Implant Installation

Status: Completed

Desc.: Occipital Lobe - Ocular Filter

Procedure: Implant Installation

Status: Completed

Details: Temporal Lobe - Memory Augmentation

Procedure:

Implant Installation

Status: Completed

Desc.:

Parietal Lobe - Neural Boost

Procedure:

Implant Installation

Status: Completed

Desc.:

Frontal Lobe - Cybernetic Subprocessor

Procedure:

Implant Installation

Status: Completed

Desc.:

Parietal Lobe - Social Adaptation Chip

Procedure:

Implant Installation

Status: Completed

Desc.:

Temporal Lobe - Lepus Insights Dodecahedral Subprocessor

Procedure:

Implant Installation

Status: Completed

Desc.:

Parietal Lobe - Lepus Insights Actuative Manager

Procedure:

Implant Installation

Status: Completed

Desc.:

Frontal Lobe - Lepus Insights Librarial Tap

FURTHER SUGGESTED TREATMENT

Pilot Lagann should remain out of the capsule for the next twenty-four to forty-eight hours, and refrain from other strenuous activity during that time as well.

A follow-up appointment has been scheduled for Wednesday the ninth to make certain that the new clone and implants are working properly. If any unusual side-effects or symptoms occur in the interim, Pilot Lagann has been instructed to contact her medical staff immediately.

Private Log Entry, 22.11.111

Morwen's voice has hints of a slightly artificial component to it as she speaks; a trained ear would be able to pick it out as being the caused by a capsule interface, which would mean that she is currently wired in and her ship is idling.

In just a short while, I compete in the latest iteration of Inara's "DeadSpace" games. Last time, the fight was between Elysa and Fear in a Caracal and a Thorax, respectively... this time, it's me against Seriphyn Inhonores, in advanced frigates of our choosing.

I've spent some time studying Seriphyn's combat records, and while it definitely looks like he prefers Ishkurs and Taranis, he's flown an Enyo at least once, and I recall hearing something about him flying a Jaguar once as well. To be honest, in a simple duel such as this, I would fully expect him to bring an Ishkur, and if everything goes as planned and I don't screw up, bringing one will be his only fighting chance.

Reppy and I spent the entire morning looking over my ship and plans; I think I like what she came up with better than what I'd been working with last night when she showed up in my hangar. I have to admit I was rather surprised -- I'd never have expected her to know anything about actual capsuleer combat, but she's been rather full of surprises lately, and just looking at things in the diagnostic tool, this should work much much better.

That all said... I honestly am genuinely concerned about the outcome of this duel. So many people seem to think that it's a sure thing that I'll win in the end -- I really don't think it is, if Seriphyn plays smart. He's right in what he said on the IGS, that most of my solo work has been against pilots that really just did not know what they were doing. I've had a few exceptions, but... still, he's right. My experience primarily lies in working in a group and chewing through a target with overwhelming force and numbers, whereas his experience has been focused in smaller engagements with the Caldari militia.

On an entirely different subject, it's been seven weeks -- at least, I think it's been seven weeks, it's been so long I think I'm losing track -- since I last saw Lilly. Three since she disappeared entirely; nobody has seen her since, not Reimei, not any of her staff... and she's not been in her office or on any of her ships, not even the Longinus... Reimei gave me a comm frequency to try listening to, but I've been listening for days now, and heard nothing... nothing at all save the occasional burst of static or interference. It's just... silent.

She sighs softly, then continues.

I hope she's okay, I really do... she wouldn't have just disappeared like this without a reason, and she wouldn't have done it willingly, I just know she wouldn't have left unannounced like that. It isn't her, even though nobody seems to believe me... I just want her to be safe, to come home.

A pause.

Well, there's the call from Inara. Time to get this show on the road.

Private Video Log, 9.9.111 - Bookmarks

Morwen appears in front of a metallic green background, her shoulder-length hair down and appearing slightly damp. She looks intently at and around the camera, her hands out of view on either side of the lens' field of vision, presumably interacting with the camera drone's physical controls. The colors flicker a little and the image goes a little out of focus for a moment, but then they right themselves. She tilts her head a little, then nods slightly to herself, pushing the drone away just a bit before stepping back a few meters herself, giving the camera a full view of its current interest. Morwen is dressed in a black podsuit mottled with patches of a green color several shades greyer than whatever is behind her.

Family.

One of those things that everyone should have, even if not in a literal, but a more figurative sense. Even better if you can get both, right?

I've found the latter, here in Ghost Festival.

She laughs.

Well, not here per se, we're based in Goinard with Veto, not all the way up in Duripant where I am now. But I've only been here barely a day, and I already feel more welcome here than anywhere else I've ever been. Most of my closest friends -- Family, now -- are here. Ama, Aria, Inara, Kimochi, Reppy... and of course, Lilly.

A small smile crosses her face as the last name leaves her lips.

I know I probably gush about her enough as it is, but I can't help it. Sure, we might be going through a bit of a rough spot right now thanks to that horrifically stupid mistake of mine a couple weeks ago, but I'm infinitely happier having her by my side than I would be without her. I love her, and I don't know what I'd do without her; I can't even imagine life like that anymore.

Morwen sighs a little, then moves a bit, running her fingers against the object in the background. The camera drone adjusts its focus and floats backwards a bit, giving a better view of what turns out to be a Velator-class frigate held securely in dry-dock. Morwen's expression shifts, towards something that appears to be more thoughtful as her fingers run along the edge of a small nameplate on the side of the ship, the word "Melian" clearly readable on the plaque.

It's been over a year since I last flew the Melian. I've been keeping it in Couster for the last year, just to keep it safe. Today I moved it back here to Duripant, where I started my journey as a capsuleer over a year ago in mid-June. Every graduate from the capsuleer training program was given one as a gift... hence its name: "Dear Gift." I've treasured this ship, like all of the others from my early days. And now that I'm moving on from the Accord, to my new Family... I'm closing one chapter of my life, and starting a new one.

Morwen smiles again, her fingertips idly tracing the lettering on the nameplate as she continues.

But it's impossible to bury the past, to leave it behind you permanently. It's part of you, it changes who you are, changes who you can and will be. This is where I started my journey, and what I started it with... and so I will leave the Melian here, so that it may serve as a bookmark of sorts to that part of my life, for whenever I want to remember and revisit it.

A soft pinging noise suddenly starts from somewhere behind the camera drone, causing Morwen to look over. She blinks, then walks over to the source of the noise -- her datapad -- the camera drone panning and refocusing to follow her as she moves. She picks it up and reads it, then smiles a little, shrugging to herself.

Looks like I'm being called back for a roam... I'll just barely be able to make it on time if I hurry.

Morwen laughs a little to herself as she pockets the datapad and walks over to the drone, grabbing it carefully and fiddling with the controls once more, her expression not doing much to hide how unfamiliar she is with the drone's systems.

Now how am I supposed to turn this thing off again? Maybe this switch is the ri--

The video and audio feeds cut out.

Private Log Entry, 29.5.111

Yet again, I screwed up.

Koro and I have this thing we do on one of the public FTL comms channels, specifically the one called "Summit"... it's nothing more than a joke, really.

So one night a new pilot poses a question about how the capsule interface changes your perception of your body -- specifically, how certain ships make you feel larger or smaller, faster or slower, stuff like that -- and I made a crack about how after being in the Uraha for the better portion of a day I keep looking behind me to see if my backside has grown any larger. Koro follows this up with a comment about how it is larger, I responded with a sarcastic quip, we went back and forth with it for a bit... and then someone made a comment about how the "married couple" should take it to private comms.

Which only encouraged us further, as we were already laughing in another channel about the whole thing. It's been "our" joke for the last week or two, and it's mostly for our entertainment than anything else; we've specifically been going with it to make fun of a couple of the more outspoken... idiots... on the Summit.

Anyway... we were heckling each other in the same fashion on the Summit the other day... and didn't realize that Aurora was listening to that channel. Needless to say... she didn't know it was a joke, got upset, cut comms and refused to talk to either of us.

Koro said he'd "deal with it" and went to go find her.

I met up with Koro later at the Skyhook, and he said he'd cleared things up -- she'd been crying when she found him, and smiling when she left. We talked a bit more... about what little of that he would tell me, and some other things... and I made an offhand comment about how cold my hands were.

He called Miss Subaka over, thinking it might be a remaining side effect from the boosters, and she took a look at me, asked me more questions about... that weekend. Short of it was that if anything was still in my system causing trouble, it was the Crystal Egg, and that the best I could do was drink lots of water and see if my CMO could get me a prescription for a detox drink. She left after that... and Koro and I just went back to making idle chit-chat.

Some Achuran lady came in and Koro got up to talk to her... I finished my tea and was ready to leave, so I stopped by to say goodbye... and he gave me a picture he'd gotten of Aurora smiling. It's silly, I know... but I find that looking at a picture of her when she's smiling calms me down and helps me relax.

I went to the Gate after that, figuring perhaps I'd see Amaterasu and Reimei; after all, I had promised Ama that I'd get her a little bit of cider to try -- with Reimei's permission, of course -- but neither of them were there, so I ended up talking to Cia and Math'ra instead. Cia was glad to hear that I was feeling better after my "booster incident"... but Math'ra hadn't heard about it so I had to repeat the story yet again... I really just want these bruises to go away so I don't have to talk about it.

We changed the subject, and Ama and Reimei came up... and then all of a sudden my datapad started beeping... and it was Ama.

She was in trouble, and something about Reimei... being dead... and... I don't know... my mind just shut down. I don't really remember much after that... Math'ra left, I think to try and find her... somewhere in Caldari space... somewhere I can't go. Cia took me home a little while after... and here I am...

I have to call Math'ra tomorrow... see if he found her... but I can't be of any help if Idon't sleep...

Private Log Entry, 26.5.111

Today... was way, way too much for me...

Well, it wasn't that bad at first. I stopped by the Gate tonight on a whim, and ran into none other than Hitome and Aurora. I spoke briefly to Hitome about the things that had happened over last day or so; apparently someone set off a Vitoc-dispersal bomb in the Quaesitor yesterday in the morning. I was very worried about Aldrith, Hitome, Leo and Math'ra... I hadn't heard back from Aldrith after I'd sent him a message when I heard what had happened, so I was afraid he'd been caught in everything, but Hitome reassured me that no-one had been killed or severely injured, and I felt much better. She commented that the culprit had been in and out of the Gate a few times, and that she wanted to do something particularly nasty to him. I agreed... told her if I saw him somewhere I wouldn't get in trouble for starting a fight, that I'd take a swing at him myself. She said to make sure to get a picture if that happened... I couldn't help but laugh and promise I would.

We also talked a bit about having to get together with Aldrith and putting on a little jam session; Hitome on the piano, Aldrith on his leteth, and me on my violin... Mr. Roche came by, and Hitome decided to leave with him, I think she said she was going to the target range for a bit, but in any case it left Aurora and I sitting at the bar by ourselves.

It was really awkward.

Both of us apologizing to the other for how we'd acted... telling the other that it wasn't their fault...

We both gave up after a few minutes of that... then she offered to get me a drink. Of course I said yes... but I wanted her to just pick anything she wanted and surprise me.

Oops. Back to the good old indecision cycle. By the time I decided to end it and just ask for another glass of wine, it was about time for her to sleep. I really need to keep better track of time when I'm around her, I am always forgetting that she sleeps a few hours off from me. I bid her a good night, and she left after giving me the wine.

I watched her leave, then people-watched a bit. It's always interesting, the sorts of people you find in places like the Gate. As I found out in a rather... well, unexpected way.

A young Brutor girl came out of one of the private rooms in the back of the club and sat down near me at the bar. Bright red and orange hair, like a flame, almost. She seemed a little bored, so I decided to be polite and start a conversation.

Her name was Amaterasu, which I admit was a little amusing to me, as it was the name I had given my first cruiser-sized ship, a Thorax. She seemed like she was looking for someone, so I asked if she was; she mentioned Mr. Roche and Mr. Verone... and a third person who I didn't know. Apparently she was bored while waiting for the third person to return and decided to wander around. She offered a very colorful fruit drink to me while we were talking. It was extremely sweet; a good thing that there was no alcohol in it. Judging by how she seemed to be bouncing in her seat a bit, and by the ten or so empty glasses on the tray that she'd given me the drink off of, she'd probably have been passed out on the floor if it had.

We kept talking. Apparently Ama used to be a slave, but she was emancipated about twelve years ago. Since then, it seems that she's been doing freelance mining on her own. Aldrith came in at some point and was talking to some Sebiestor woman behind me. While Ama and I were talking, I saw Marius -- the man who Hitome had identified as the person who set off the vitoc bomb -- enter the bar again. I admit I panicked a bit and might have overreacted in my attempt to make sure he didn't do anything stupid... but after he calmed down, I introduced him to Ama. While explaining to Aldrith that Ama had been emancipated, someone remarked that her former owner had attempted to "recover" her earlier that day.

In the split second it took me to turn towards that person to ask them what happened, a young Khanid woman dashed into the Gate and had grabbed Ama by the arm. Before I could even react, she had dragged her off of her stool and was pulling her violently towards the club's exit. Ama was screaming at the top of her lungs, Mr. Verone was shouting at the woman, guards were rushing to block the exit, people were running all over ... it was chaos. And Ama... she was in the middle of it, and she looked more frightened than I've ever seen someone, and I panicked and started running after them.

She stopped at the door and turned towards Mr. Verone, starting to argue with him as she pulled Ama in front of her, grabbing her by the throat. He wanted her -- the woman -- to let go of Ama and come up to his table. She threatened to kill Ama right there... snap her neck. Things kept heating up... someone entering the club saw what was going on and pulled a gun on the woman, putting it against her head... Ama was still shouting, Mr. Verone was moving towards them from his table... and I...

I was standing there, no more than four or five paces away, just watching. Frozen in my spot. I couldn't move. I felt so helpless... and then... the woman said something to Mr. Verone, and out of the corner of my eye I saw him move his hand down to his waist and pull it back up, pointing a pistol at the woman.

I saw a bright yellow flash, and heard a loud crack.

Then time seemed to stop for a moment as... as I saw something so... so horrible I can't even think of words to describe it. Mr. Verone... he shot that woman... right there... in front of everyone. Without a second thought.

She... she crumpled to the floor, dragging Ama with her, not even making any sort of sound... Ama yelled as she fell, and I suddenly could move again. I ran over as fast as I could and tried to get Ama loose from the... the remains...

Ama was sobbing, and struggling to get herself loose. It was hard, but she must have realized I was trying to help her, and she stopped struggling and latched onto me. I started walking over towards one of the restrooms to start cleaning her up, and we were most of the way there when an older Civire man came over to help.

He introduced himself as Reimei and asked me to tell him what happened. While I did, we cleaned Ama up and brought her over to the bar to sit down. I gave her one of those fruit drinks to help her calm down while Reimei went up to talk to Mr. Verone... not sure what about, but it's none of my business.

I don't know... what really was happening. It felt like my body was on autopilot. I tried rubbing her shoulder to calm her down a bit... she picked up a drink from the tray and went over to the host's table where Reimei was talking to Mr. Verone. She gave him the drink, and then came back with Reimei, sitting down next to me again. Ama still seemed stressed... so I asked her to turn her back towards me so that I could try and help her relax a bit. I didn't really expect her to actually do it when I asked, but she turned without complaint... so I started massaging her shoulders and back, idly listening to the conversation around me. Reimei had started talking to Qing Jao -- she prefers to be called King -- a young Jin-Mei woman that I've spoken to a few times over the past week or two over FTL comms. Today was the first time I think I'd ever seen her face to face, but I didn't really get a chance to talk to her for more than a minute or two.

Ama seemed to be feeling better, so I asked her if there were any spots she wanted me to try working on in particular. I was a little surprised when she asked for me to work on her neck, given what had just happened, but I did as she asked anyway. I started talking quietly to other people while I worked on Ama's neck, and turned back to look at her several minutes later only to find that she'd fallen asleep. She looked so peaceful in that state, it seemed hard to imagine that she'd been through so much today.

It was about that time that I received an urgent message from Age, who... well, I guess the best way to describe her is as King's personal secretary, but she's more than that... she's this highly sophisticated -- arguably sentient -- holographic AI that she uses for information gathering among other things... and often Age will be present in some holographic form or another to converse with people if King herself is unable to or otherwise busy.

Anyway... Age said that Koro... that he was saying he wanted to kill himself, and... so, after Reimei took Ama back to his ship so she could sleep better, I left the Gate and was supposed to go to where Koro was and try and talk him out of it...

I was talking to him on the way on private comms... and he... he scared me with the way he was talking... I didn't know what to do. I panicked. I searched through all the names that I knew of people who worked in Ghost Festival, people who could get there in time to stop him from doing something rash... I took the first name I found -- a miss Inara Subaka -- and sent her a quick message asking her for help.

Koro... he... he got very angry when he found out. He... he didn't yell at me... but I could see the anger in his eyes. I.. I started to cry, and then he just said "goodbye" and ended the call. He wouldn't answer when I tried calling him back. I've kept trying to reach him, but still no answer...

Age said it was my responsibility to keep Koro alive... but I think I failed... I hope he didn't... I don't want to think about that.

I need to sleep... maybe I'll feel better in the morning... maybe... just maybe... Koro will pick up and he'll be okay...

Private Log Entry, 23.5.111 - 2

Ugh... my eyes are still a little wonky. The lights in my quarters are on at about ten percent brightness and it still feels like it's too bright in here. My hands have stopped twitching, though.

I spoke to Koro briefly over at the Skyhook last night; he didn't have any ideas where I could have gotten the boosters into my system, but he said that the bruising on my wrists looked like "bondage" bruising. I didn't even bother asking why he'd even know what that would look like, but it's perfectly possible, I guess... I just can't see how I would have ended up in a place where that would have happened. Certainly not under my own free will, but then... if the drugs were in my system first... who knows what could have happened after that.

I came back to the Uraha after that, and after a shower I decided to poke around on some of the comms channels; perhaps there would be someone to talk to, maybe Aldrith. Instead I found Miss Roth... Cia, that is. I haven't seen Camillle since that afternoon in Rens. She asked how I was doing, and I stupidly answered that I'd "been better"... she became concerned, and pressed me for the details. I didn't really want to bother her with all of it... I knew she'd been under a lot of stress herself lately, but I like her, and she really seemed to want to know, so I told her what I knew and could remember.

She contacted me privately shortly thereafter, and said she had a question she thought she should keep private... she told me about how a girl she knew in school had had a similar experience... I think it was almost as awkward for her to ask as it was for me to answer.

"... did your CMO run a  ... did she run a sexual assault kit?"

She indeed had -- and had found nothing -- so I reassured Cia that that was the case. I wasn't sure if she'd processed my clothing, though, so I hastily added that I'd ask the doctor to check it. I mean, she probably had checked it without me noticing, but maybe there were tests she could do that would need me to be out of my clothing.

Cia also said I should look into getting some security, or at least having someone I trust around me at all times... I didn't like the idea of having guards escorting me around much... and well, that's why I hang out with Aurora and Aldrith... I trust them both completely... and I love Aurora with everything I have. But I can't be around them all the time... perhaps I should be spending time in a more... what's the word... policed, perhaps... environment? Just in case?

Maybe the Gate would be safer than the Sisters... much as I love it, it doesn't have a pair of .50-cal turrets sitting over the entrance, or a security checkpoint. It can't hurt to try it for a while, I guess. Who knows, maybe I'll see someone I know. I have run into Ami and Cia the last several times I've been.

I thanked Cia, and she ended the call. I took the clothing I'd been wearing down to the medical bay and gave it to the doctor. She said she'd check it and get back to me later. I went back to my quarters, shut off the lights, and went to sleep.

And I just woke up a little while ago... and seeing as I'm currently not allowed to get into my pod, I'm stuck walking around on my own two feet or taking the Interbus somewhere. I really should find some way to amuse myself until the side-effects wear off and I can see properly again...

Private Log Entry, 23.5.111

What the hell happened today?

I remember being in the Sisters, having a mail conversation with Miss Shantath... and then I remember being escorted to the ship's medical bay when one of the capsule technicians alerted Susie that I was behaving "abnormally" as I was about to climb into the pod. Apparently I'd not only forgotten the names of him and his partner -- Soran and Beren, respectively -- but I was also "seeing things" and didn't appear to be concerned about that at all.

The CMO made me lie down on an examination bed and ran a few tests. Apparently I had some boosters in my system -- specifically, the two known on the narcotics market as "blue pill" and "crystal egg" -- and they were the cause of the abnormal behavior that Soran had reported. She says that it'll be several hours, possibly even a day, before my system is back to normal, and that because of some of the side effects I'm still experiencing -- specifically, dilated pupils and occasional twitching in my hands -- I should avoid bright lights and activities that require fine motor skills. Walking around is okay, so I may go for a walk around the station later, or to the Gate if I'm feeling up to it.

She also said I have some strange bruises on my neck that, at the very least, I couldn't have given to myself. There were also some bruises on my wrists, but those could have been self-inflicted, possibly from a hallucination. But I don't remember how I could have possibly gotten them, or where, so... I dunno...

Still... the last thing I remember was talking to Miss Shantath, and my Neocom records indicate she sent me information on how to get to her place, and she had said she'd wanted to talk about something, and Susie said she had authorized the purchase of a round-trip InterBus ticket to Ashab for me, where Miss Shantath had said her house was, and that I had been there.

I wonder what it was she wanted to talk about. Whatever it was that we did talk about, assuming I even arrived there in the first place...

I can't really ask her if she gave me the boosters or if I got those bruises while I was there, or if I even was there, though. It'd be impolite, and I don't have any real proof any of it happened while I was there, again, assuming I even was at her place. It could have happened somewhere else either on the way there or on the way back. It could have been anyone or anything that got those boosters into my system and got those weird bruises on my neck and wrists.

I only really know one thing for certain, though.

It sure as hell wasn't me.

I know better.

... Right?

Private Log Entry, 12.5.111

Dinner didn't quite go as I'd planned.

I mean, the food was fine, despite my rather lackluster culinary skills, and Aurora said she liked it... and of course a straight "yes" or "no" answer would be a little much to ask of her given her usual mental state...

We met up in the Three Sisters, and after an utterly painful attempt at deciding where to eat on the Uraha, we walked back to the ship... really, I'm as horrible at decision-making as Aurora is sometimes; it's a good thing that Aldrith decided to chime in. Once we got on board we headed up to the observation deck.

We made some idle chat, and then the galley called to tell me that the food was done cooking, so I went down to get it, and then we started eating. We talked a little more, some about what her work was like in Stillwater, a little about the work I'd done earlier in the day.

Aurora seemed a lot more distracted than usual that night... uncomfortable too, but she kept denying it. I didn't want to press the issue, so I let it be for a while... after we finished eating, we continued talking. I don't really remember how it came up, but I mentioned the first time I went to the Last Gate with Aldrith, and that question he asked me... strangely, even a month later, I can still hear his voice in my head.


"Have you ever been in love, Morwen?"

I'd originally had no answer for him when he asked. I wasn't really even sure what he'd meant at first. He could have easily meant any kind of "in love", even just a simple teenage crush. After thinking about it for a bit I decided he had meant something other than a little crush, but even then I wasn't sure how to answer. It took me a few days, but I found my answer, and told him. He's been trying to help me make it work ever since... pressuring me, even, to speak up and tell her how I felt, "before someone else does it first," as he kept putting it.

Anyway... I told her my answer to his question, and I have never seen a shade of red quite as bright as what was on her face... I immediately felt horrible, like I should have kept my mouth shut, like I was embarrassing her beyond all reason. She said she was surprised by it... I can't see how she would be, everyone else had already figured it out; hell, Koro had threatened to tell her how I felt himself if I didn't that night... turned out he was bluffing and was just trying to push me into doing it, in his own special way.

I tried to explain to Aurora that I didn't mind if she didn't have an answer for me, that it was okay for her not to have an answer, that I'd understand if she wanted to turn me down... I don't think it really went very well. I think I embarrassed her so much that it'll be a miracle if she ever wants to speak to me again.

I'm a horrible friend... I shouldn't have put Aurora through that. I should have just kept my mouth shut and never said anything at all...

Private Log Entry, 11.5.111

What am I going to do?

I'm having dinner with Aurora tonight, and I'm finally ready to tell her everything... but there's so much that I have to figure out before then... I'm just so excited and scared and nervous that I just can't focus on what I need to get done...

If we're eating out at a restaurant, where do we go? Neither of us could think of a place to go... perhaps we should take Norrin's suggestion of the Gilded Rose, or maybe there's a place in the Crystal Boulevard, or somewhere closer, on the station in Jel...

If she wants to eat something home-cooked, where will I get the ingredients? Will I be able to make it properly without screwing everything up, even with the help of the ship's cook? Will it taste good? Will she even like it? And beyond that, where will we eat? Aurora isn't fond of crowded and noisy places, so the mess hall is out... the observation deck or astrometrics lab might be quieter, but will she want to eat there? What about my quarters? They're the quietest place on the ship, but they're a complete mess right now thanks to the thrashing that the Uraha took earlier this afternoon and I'll need to clean it up first...

And more importantly, when do I tell her? How do I tell her? Do I just say it straight out? Do I wander my way there like I'm trying to find a hard-to-find shop at the Rens bazaar? Do I do something I hate doing and lead her into saying or asking something that makes it the logical thing to say next?

What will she say? Will she feel the same as I do? Will she be upset? Will I embarrass her so much that she never wants to talk to me again? I don't think I could ever live with myself if I made her upset, even over something entirely unrelated to this whole mess...

I hope she feels the same way... I really do... I don't know how I'd respond if she doesn't...

Oh, Fortune save me I'm a complete wreck...

Public Log Entry, 11.5.111

So many things are on my mind these days.

Where am I going with my life? What's lurking in the darkness of space, just beyond that gate? Do I really feel up to the job that I've told my agent that he can expect to be done well ahead of schedule? Am I really ready for all of this?

Egger, podder, capsuleer... whatever word one wants to use, it'll have been just another way to describe me for a year exactly one month from now. But has it really been that long? It feels like the last eleven months have gone by so fast... and so many things have happened in that time. I've made friends from all over the cluster -- who'd have thought that my best friends would turn out to be Amarr loyalists or from the State? I've moved my way up from that tiny little Velator-class frigate that the Academy gave me upon graduation of basic capsuleer training -- if I recall correctly, I named it the "Dear Gift" as a bit of a joke -- to the Dominix-class warship and Falcon-class reconnaissance cruiser that I use most of the time.

One thing that will continue to amaze me is how much money capsuleers make. I'd only been a pilot for a few months and I was already earning more money daily than my parents earn in a month, combined. It's a scary thought to me: that what I once thought was more than I could ever hope to earn during my entire lifetime as a captain in the Navy like my father is merely a few weeks' work. That I'm making enough to buy an entire town out from underneath someone's feet. It really scares me sometimes, the amount of power that capsuleers have... I just hope that I never find myself abusing it.

On the bright side, I find all of the things I do in the pod to be second-nature now... sure, I still make mistakes occasionally -- usually control issues with my drones doing things other than what they're supposed to be doing, but I swear they have minds of their own sometimes and that it's not always my fault -- but that feeling that the ship is like an extension of my body and mind... I love it. Suzelle, my XO -- the crew and I call her "Susie," at her request of course -- seems to agree, often commenting to me how much more relaxed I appear when climbing out of the pod than I do when I get in it. I don't know what it is that causes it. Perhaps it's just instinct, that while it feels counter-intuitive to be willfully submerging oneself in liquid, being inside the pod triggers long-forgotton subconscious memories of being in the womb... just floating there in the darkness. I guess it explains why sometimes I fall asleep there after a job rather than climbing out and going to sleep in my quarters; I probably should try harder to not do it though, the soreness in my back afterwards is never pleasant. Suzelle said she'd try to wake me up next time, so hopefully I'll be cutting down on the in-pod naps in the future.

On that note... it's about time for me to get back in the thing; apparently someone stole some sensitive information from one of the research labs here in Vittenyn and I'm the only one who isn't already out on assignment that is also able to handle the job. Maybe if they did security and background checks on people they hire for research positions this sort of thing wouldn't happen so often...

... but that's a bit much to ask for, I suppose. Oh well.