Monday, May 11

Public Log Entry, 11.5.111

So many things are on my mind these days.

Where am I going with my life? What's lurking in the darkness of space, just beyond that gate? Do I really feel up to the job that I've told my agent that he can expect to be done well ahead of schedule? Am I really ready for all of this?

Egger, podder, capsuleer... whatever word one wants to use, it'll have been just another way to describe me for a year exactly one month from now. But has it really been that long? It feels like the last eleven months have gone by so fast... and so many things have happened in that time. I've made friends from all over the cluster -- who'd have thought that my best friends would turn out to be Amarr loyalists or from the State? I've moved my way up from that tiny little Velator-class frigate that the Academy gave me upon graduation of basic capsuleer training -- if I recall correctly, I named it the "Dear Gift" as a bit of a joke -- to the Dominix-class warship and Falcon-class reconnaissance cruiser that I use most of the time.

One thing that will continue to amaze me is how much money capsuleers make. I'd only been a pilot for a few months and I was already earning more money daily than my parents earn in a month, combined. It's a scary thought to me: that what I once thought was more than I could ever hope to earn during my entire lifetime as a captain in the Navy like my father is merely a few weeks' work. That I'm making enough to buy an entire town out from underneath someone's feet. It really scares me sometimes, the amount of power that capsuleers have... I just hope that I never find myself abusing it.

On the bright side, I find all of the things I do in the pod to be second-nature now... sure, I still make mistakes occasionally -- usually control issues with my drones doing things other than what they're supposed to be doing, but I swear they have minds of their own sometimes and that it's not always my fault -- but that feeling that the ship is like an extension of my body and mind... I love it. Suzelle, my XO -- the crew and I call her "Susie," at her request of course -- seems to agree, often commenting to me how much more relaxed I appear when climbing out of the pod than I do when I get in it. I don't know what it is that causes it. Perhaps it's just instinct, that while it feels counter-intuitive to be willfully submerging oneself in liquid, being inside the pod triggers long-forgotton subconscious memories of being in the womb... just floating there in the darkness. I guess it explains why sometimes I fall asleep there after a job rather than climbing out and going to sleep in my quarters; I probably should try harder to not do it though, the soreness in my back afterwards is never pleasant. Suzelle said she'd try to wake me up next time, so hopefully I'll be cutting down on the in-pod naps in the future.

On that note... it's about time for me to get back in the thing; apparently someone stole some sensitive information from one of the research labs here in Vittenyn and I'm the only one who isn't already out on assignment that is also able to handle the job. Maybe if they did security and background checks on people they hire for research positions this sort of thing wouldn't happen so often...

... but that's a bit much to ask for, I suppose. Oh well.

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