Monday, May 11

Private Log Entry, 11.5.111

What am I going to do?

I'm having dinner with Aurora tonight, and I'm finally ready to tell her everything... but there's so much that I have to figure out before then... I'm just so excited and scared and nervous that I just can't focus on what I need to get done...

If we're eating out at a restaurant, where do we go? Neither of us could think of a place to go... perhaps we should take Norrin's suggestion of the Gilded Rose, or maybe there's a place in the Crystal Boulevard, or somewhere closer, on the station in Jel...

If she wants to eat something home-cooked, where will I get the ingredients? Will I be able to make it properly without screwing everything up, even with the help of the ship's cook? Will it taste good? Will she even like it? And beyond that, where will we eat? Aurora isn't fond of crowded and noisy places, so the mess hall is out... the observation deck or astrometrics lab might be quieter, but will she want to eat there? What about my quarters? They're the quietest place on the ship, but they're a complete mess right now thanks to the thrashing that the Uraha took earlier this afternoon and I'll need to clean it up first...

And more importantly, when do I tell her? How do I tell her? Do I just say it straight out? Do I wander my way there like I'm trying to find a hard-to-find shop at the Rens bazaar? Do I do something I hate doing and lead her into saying or asking something that makes it the logical thing to say next?

What will she say? Will she feel the same as I do? Will she be upset? Will I embarrass her so much that she never wants to talk to me again? I don't think I could ever live with myself if I made her upset, even over something entirely unrelated to this whole mess...

I hope she feels the same way... I really do... I don't know how I'd respond if she doesn't...

Oh, Fortune save me I'm a complete wreck...

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